yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
