What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
