Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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