Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
