so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
