Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We left an ass print on the piano.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My bed smells like the plague
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
