Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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