Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
