You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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