I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
