ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
