You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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