You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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