help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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