it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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