They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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