careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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