areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
