i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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