Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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