i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize