i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
