Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
