wanna go halves on a baby?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have post one night stand depression
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