You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
