I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
