His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
