just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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