Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
