Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
