The best revenge is premature balding
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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