you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
