I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
how does that bad decision feel?
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