I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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