i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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