i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
