This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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