dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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