Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were trust falling into bushes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
