He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
