that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
