i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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