My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am puke
Farmville is her only friend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
