you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
