I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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