How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
