Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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