u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
