she woke up with a sticky ear
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize