He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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