my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
