You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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