I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
