Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
