i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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