Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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