MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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