guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
