the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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