i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
