Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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