roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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