I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
accomplished twins. life is a go
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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