he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
