your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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