To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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