I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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