You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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