it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
