What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
