I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
