I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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