Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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