We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
