i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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