I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this boner is exhausting
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize