May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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